Monday 20 January 2020

Pussy Candle Please

Oh and do you have any pussy candles in stock?

I can imagine the look on the face of one of those polite JL assistants if I popped the question but actually it would probably be more embarrassing to me than them when they asked exactly what I meant and they'd check the system, trying to be helpful as ever. Lol.

I only know about them because I read an article in Sunday's Times by Camilla Long (can't link as you need to subscribe), which attacks Meghan Markle for going to war with her dad but also expounds on the dubious attractions of Gwyneth Paltrow's, ahem, personal scented candles .....for just £58! Wow, I told P about them, he said I should get a couple and light them at the dinner table for a laugh. Then I told him the price and he changed his mind and said 'ok don't light them' then changed it again and said 'no don't bother at all, I think she's a crank'. I wasn't going to anyway but, crank or not, she's no crank when it comes to making money. 



A candle illuminates the genius in Gwynnie’s business
To California, and the black hole that is Gwyneth Paltrow’s creative process. The former actress has further monetised her hormonal meltdown, producing a candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina”. To have a whiff of your own vagina, you must pay Gwyneth £58: it is a “funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent”, she tells you, of which words I’d imagine “unexpected” is most accurate. She has received negative attention for this service, even though giving a candle a label so provocative it sells out within hours should be grounds for some kind of Nobel. What, indeed, is Gwyneth’s skill, apart from shoving jade eggs up her fanny, offering it a good steam-clean and making $$$? Is it to remind us how silly having a foo can be? No one would dare laugh at a candle with the label “This Smells Like My Penis”.

I found out you can get penis candles for pennies on eBay, 


I don't know if they smell like the real thing but I suppose they would be as much a laugh as Gwyneth's and only a fraction of the cost. And at least they look a bit more like what they purport to be. I said a bit:)


Have a good week.

Ronnie
xx

6 comments:

Windy said...

Ronnie,
This is quite funny! And a little gross of Gweneth. EW! But, I have some questions. Since I live across the pond, I don't always understand what you or P say...... 1. What is a crank? 2. Who/what is JL.... certainly not Jennifer Lopez?! lol 3. What is a foo?

I'd laugh at a penis candle at someone's dinner table. And I would ask them please do not light the vagina candle if they had one! And I would hope nobody was serving fish for dinner.... laughing. GAH! Hugs, Windy

Hermione said...

I can't imagine wanting a vagina candle lit at the dinner table, but a cute gimmick. But expensive!! The peniscandkes are so cute!

I also wonder what JL is.

Hugs,
Hermione

PK said...

Let's just say I don't want either on my table!

ronnie said...

Roz - I don't think Gwyneth would think it a gimmick:) Thanks.

Windy - Sorry I should have been clearer. JL is John Lewis a chain of high end department stores. Crank - More of less someone whose thinking is way off than everyone else. Foo - I think might be a typo (I just copied and pasted the article) I think she may have meant poo. Fish for dinner Omg lol. Thanks.

Hermione - The penis candle would be a amusing to put on a dinner. Yes JL is a high end department store. It's an employee-owned organisation. Thanks.

PK - I'd be interested in seeing one. Thanks.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Aimless Rambling said...

I cant imagine why I would want to buy a candle like this.

ronnie said...

SG - Funny though. Thanks.

Love,
Ronnie
xx