Spanked for being a tosser

Well I suppose more for standing up for myself as not being a tosser, I suppose, which meant remonstrating with my husband. Because it was he who called me one. 

So to keep it short and so that any new readers don't get the wrong idea, we do have a very good relationship, we don't really do much name calling, he will tell me to fuck off sometimes, I will call him a wanker sometimes, without any offence either side. I know that might not seem normal but hey, who wants normal, and we don't do that in public or mean it offensively, it is fun talk. But 'tosser' is something I have never been called.

This all came about because P was exasperated with me for not being able to transfer some stuff from my laptop and google drive to WhatsApp to send to our son. I'm not good with tech stuff, I mean I can get along with basics but I didn't even know I had a google drive (I do now) or how to get into it. Anyway P was working on something completely different and I kept interrupting him. He gave me answers but the answers only raised further questions because I couldn't find the menus he was telling me to find. In the end he just said 'bring it over here then' and told me to stay by his side while he did it for me. That was when he mumbled half under his breath 'tosser'. Oh I heard it alright but I didn't say anything, just let him get on with what I needed doing then went back to my seat after thanking him grudgingly. I hadn't even recorded what he'd done, I was incensed at being called a tosser.

I sent my WhatsApp then googled tosser and got the following:- 

1. (Britain, slang, pejorative, vulgar) A male who masturbates. (Britain, slang) An objectionable male, often somewhat obnoxious in demeanour.
2. Cambrige Eng Dictionaty: tosser definition: a stupid or unpleasant person: . Learn more.

I am neither of those, well I better not be. I was angry and I just chirped up "And I'm not a fucking tosser." It would have sounded funny to a fly on the wall, coming out of the blue. His head looked up and round straight away, it got his attention. He asked me who said I was and I told him he had, I'd heard him distinctly when I was next to him. He said oh that was just him muttering to himself  while he was concentrating on more than one thing. That didn't wash with me and I told him so. I also told him what google said tossers were and asked him which one I was supposed to be just because I wasn't as tech savvy as him. He didn't answer, he just wanted to get on with his work. "Well?" I demanded.

"Look  let's not get this out of proportion," he said, "you should have known how to do that or at least have been able to follow my excellent instructions. You'll fall behind with that sort of stuff as you get older and senile if you don't stay up with things."

Oh that was really tactful, P, guaranteed to placate me. Not. I told him I was perfectly well up with things, as he put it, not senile and not a tosser.

At that my husband must have decided best to nip this in the bud before it escalated. He got up from the dining table where he'd been working and marched across the room, moved my laptop off the sofa and sat down heavily next to me. I made to get up because I knew what he was going to do and I didn't want it, I hadn't manipulated it, I wanted an explanation and an apology not a spanking. He took hold of me before I was even standing straight and directed me across his lap. I tried to lash my arm out, I also tried to wriggle off his lap onto the floor but he had me tight around the waist with his left arm as he pulled my shorts down with his right.

"Don't spank me! Don't fucking spank me after what you've just said! I want to talk! I'm serious P!"

SPANK! SPANK! SPANK!

"I'll talk and you can listen and listen properly and I'll ceratinly 'fucking' spank you as hard and as long as I think you need it to calm things down..." 

SPANK! SPANK! SPANK!

"...and you'll do well to listen instead of mouthing off and getting all offended and aggressive for no good reason."

So he lectured me and spanked me and I at first struggled and objected like hell but ended up accepting I'm no match for his strength and continuing only got me spanked harder. Ten minutes or so is a long time in spanking terms especially when it's not play and there are harsh words to go with it. By the end I was snivelling, still mad with him but not prepared to say anything more to piss him off. He eased me off his lap and told me to pull my shorts up and let that be an end to it, he had work to do which he had to finish. And he went back to the dining table leaving me red faced and sore arsed. I pulled up my shorts turning sideways from him so that he couldn't see either my privates or what he'd done to my bottom, not that he was even looking, and went upstairs to our bedroom. I didn't want to be in the same room at that time and I used my ipad in the bedroom.

Half an hour or so later he must have finished his work because I got an email saying he knew I wasn't senile, he hadn't meant to suggest that and he was sorry he'd used the word. I emailed back 'what about tosser?' I didn't get a reply.

When I went downstairs later he was putting some links into my bookmarks for google drive, docs, photos and stuff to make finding things easier. He looked up and told me he hadn't said I was a tosser, he'd just mumbled the word to himself, it was often used among blokes, it wasn't meant to be offensive just an expression. It was an apology without actually saying it and I knew it and graciously accepted it by letting it go.

Then I asked him to show me what he'd added to my machine and he said 'sit down then, if you can, and I will'. I blushed but sat next to him, close enough to feel the heat from his body, and while he explained and clicked away all I really waned to do was snuggle against him.

Ronnie

xx