Monday, 27 November 2017

Carry On being Prudish

Are us Brits prudish? I'm not saying we are but Josh Clancy in last weekend's Sunday Times did. And he's living and working in New York now so he's got a feel for both sides of the pond.

...Brits are terrible at talking about sex. It’s a stereotype, but one that persistently rings true, much as the Irish do indeed all drink like thirsty Labradors, and posh people really do all live in freezing-cold houses where it’s impossible to keep your feet warm.

We make jokes about sex, of course — bawdy gags about giant breasts and minuscule manhoods that horrify many Americans. But an honest, practical conversation about how best to perform oral sex? No chance...

And the reason, as I understood his article, was that not only are we be a bit prudish but we are poor communicators when it comes to sex whereas our American cousins are open. That's a generalisation of course but I thought it was probably near the truth.  

...One of the surprise advantages of moving to America has been how much more open people are about all this. If someone wants something in bed, they tend to ask for it. If they want something done better (hard to believe, I know), they tend to explain how...

Esther Perel, the New York relationships guru, argues that any notion that sex just comes naturally is 'bullshit' as she puts it. Sex of sorts might, but good sex does not. “The myth that sex is natural has done harm to so many people.”  Instead, Perel argues, it is something we must cultivate and consider, or we risk wallowing indefinitely in passionless ignorance.

British people seem to expect sex to improve by an enigmatic process of bodily divination. A survey in 2012 showed that more than half of British adults find sex the most awkward topic to discuss with their partner, coming in far ahead of death and money, which occupied the other medal positions, says Josh.

I thought about the article later in the day and about how friends and family ever treated the subject of sex, on the rare occasions that they did, and I asked P what he thought. He was immediate in his response, saying he thought Brits were overall a bit stand-offish, shy, insecure, call it whatever but the bottom line was they were awkward with sex. I asked him if he thought I was awkward with sex (you can merge spanking with that although I didn't say it) and he said yes, of course I was, at least until I got warmed up and then horniness overrode inhibitions. I wanted to ask him more....but I was too shy:)

Have a good week.



Fondles said...

Oh well done at the end there. U have a way of making an article come alive. Im glad i read it here and not in its original posting.

an English Rose said...

Hi Ronnie, I am definitely prudish, you not so much. I often think I wouldn't be as brave as you are out here when you write about your antics!
love Jan, xx

Our Bottoms Burn said...

I think it's men, they know it all. I have always found women to be most open when asked what pleases them. Just ask, shut up and listen. Then repeat later, asking how they did, seeking to improve.

Hermione said...

We Canadians are considered very polite, so I suppose we would say "thank you" after sex, no matter how bad it was, or "sorry" if our partner didn't have an orgasm.


Eric51 Amy49 said...

Eric is the second sexual partner I've had who solicited feedback and wanted to know what I was feeling and thinking during sex. The other chap was my first love. Not to say I was whoring around or anything, but everyone in between was tight lipped and put off if I had an opinion about anything he did. I think women don't speak out because they don't want to hurt his feelings. I think the male ego prevents him from asking the question. I will say, though, once you get to the point of being able to say, "do it like this", sex becomes INCREDIBLE. Better than ever. :)

Baker said...

Interesting post! I'd say I was prudish until we began dd. Now, neither of us seem embarrassed to suggest or try new things, not that Hiss ever was, lol. The spankings "loosen my tongue" so to speak.

Leigh Smith said...

'Too shy with P', I seriously doubt that. I think women are more likely to talk with other women than men, and as you know men don't really talk about anything that counts. I'm sure it's probably the same there as here.

Ella said...

I think I will disagree with your premise here. Don't know that Americans are any more open than Brits. I find so many people who just cannot discuss sex. It has been a goal of mine to change this, and I have many stories where I have overstepped someone's comfort zone. My sons are used to my openness, and have even asked my advice occasionally.

Coming from a teacher, I think sexual pleasure should be a mandatory class for young adults. When embarrassed parents do not educate their offspring on one of the greatest pleasures to be found in life, the Ice Age continues.

Ella On Her Soapbox

Blondie said...

You made me giggle, being shy and all. I wasn't brought up being comfortable talking about sex. And at times, I might still have trouble describing something. But with ttwd/dd, our communication has improved and I am not too uncomfortable asking for what I want. Oh well.

Cat said...

Interesting article, Ronnie but have to say you had me rolling with the " I wanted to ask him more....but I was too shy" line...Just can't picture you as shy.

Hugs and blessings...Cat

ronnie said...

Fondles - That's really nice of you to say. Thank you.

Jan - I'm a little, not actual prudish, but say shy about some things. I write what's true with a few names/places changed but nobody out there in blogland knows me except a few trusted friends so I'm Ok about it as is P. Thanks.

OBB - Yes, when it comes to sex, some men think they know it all. Thanks,

Hermione - LOL. We Brits are the same. Thanks.

Amy - I think you'r right in some cases being the male ego, he's the man and should take the lead and do all the work. It's a shame some women can't talk to their men about what they like regarding sex - they are missing out on such pleasures. Thanks.

Baker - TTWD has definitely bought a lot of us closer to our men/women. Thanks.

SG - I would happily talk about sex to anyone (men or women) if they wanted to. I know a couple of my lady friends would be horrified if I bought the subject of sex up. Thanks.

Ella - Hear hear. It is the way you are brought up and I totally agree with you about young adults being educated in the true pleasure of sex. I like you on your soap box and happy to hear your views. Thanks.

Blondie - When I was young, you just didin't speak to your parents about sex (or at least I couldn't) you had to fumble about and find it all out yourself. I'd be happy talking sex with anyone. Thanks.

Cat - Believe it or not, I am a little shy about some things. Thanks.


Red said...

A great topic Ronnie. We have been prudish about sex for so many years, but since introducing spanking, our sex life and communication has soared. Maybe it was because we were shy when first married, and then kids were present so "had to be quiet", but the kids have grown and left, and we have the freedom to express ourselves. Wish we had the knowledge of the internet when we were first married. Unfortunately, I think the Internet has stopped many young people from connecting with a partner, other than simply wanting sex. (Many we know have no partner, even though the woman desire to have one.)
bottoms up

Rosie Jones said...

Interesting topic, Ronnie. I think we in the UK have a reputation for being buttoned up about sex, maybe a hangover from the prudish Victorians. I don’t think of myself as being prudish but I’m shy in some ways.
Rosie xx

ronnie said...

Red - Once the kids come along sex sadly does take a back seat which I know it shouldn't but it does. I love how TWWD has bought so many couples closer. Thanks.

Rosie - I agree. Same as you, not prudish at all just a little shy about some things, Thanks.