Monday, 21 November 2011

Orgasms


Hi everyone and I hope you had a lovely weekend. My little post about orgasms and Coco de Mer spanking seminars last week raised some issues, I know they've all been covered before but still, being a subject close to my heart and to most of us, I imagine, I thought I'd follow up.

I had a particualr comment from 1ManView (it and my reply are below) about orgasms and whether women fake them, tell the truth about them and more specifically, if a lot of women don't get them (I've seen reports to that effect,) how come so many who run blogs claim to have such earth shattering experiences.

Fair question, I thought. Florida Dom kind of raised it too, how nice to have men showing such an interest.

So please help me out girls -

Do you really all get orgasm, explosive ones?
Or do you fake them because men expect you to have them?
Any out there who don't achieve (you can reply anonymously)
Any who need certain circumstances to trigger them?

Maybe I should do a poll, in fact I've done one, look over to the right,
don't cheat!

Below is my reply and the original question.

Ronnie
xx

Ooh... how can I say what I really think about this, I have to stand solid
with my sisters, right?
Not exactly because I'm not really the average girl to run this by (I
mean my little penchant for having my bottom smacked puts me in a minority.
I think), so my thoughts might be way out of kilter but possibly........

1. Spanko girls are more adventurous than average, also those of us who blog
are possibly a bit extrovert, maybe those attributes help towards more
orgasm achievement.
2. All girls could be lying, they achieve orgasm much more than stated, they
just want to keep men working harder.
3. Gilrs have different levels of orgasm...well this one does....and maybe
some get low level orgasms and never experience the really big one, so they
think 'whats all the fuss about'. But when a girl *knows* what's out there
she wants it all the time.

It's a good question 1manview. Out of interest, I never achieved real orgasm
myself until I was in my late twenties, I've tried to make amends since of
course.
Ronnie


1manview said.....
I understand the statement about too much attention to the orgasm. Most sex articles lean towards having an great orgasm at the end of an sex act. I do have a question that's not exactly on this topic... A lot of articles say that only half of the women can achieve an orgasm. Then why does every blog I read (sexual) the women say they have an orgasm. Or the men say, they gave her an orgasm. And yes, I'm in the mix with my poetry... I have dated on person who came right out and said she couldn't achieve orgasm from the start. She was one of the most sexiest and aggressive persons I ever dated. From her moans and groans and body shudders, you couldn't tell she didn't have orgasm. My point is were are these women? Are they hiding among us in silence? If so, why? I would like to hear from those who can not achieve an orgasm, and hear about their sexual world. Maybe you can put that question
out there and see if there is any response. And if you have some insight on it, please enlighten my curiosity... I knew the lady I dated since we were kids, and she acted like she dropped a bomb on me when she told me she could not achieve orgasm. I was taken back when I saw that worried look of rejection on her face. Is that one of the reason they are silent? This question has been eating at me a long time, and I have tried to find some first hand information on it... OK, it bugs me, so if you can, help me out here Ronnie, i would appreciate it...

Thanks
1manview

14 comments:

faerie said...

I love that you put you have different levels of orgasm, that has been my experience too. I have always been easily orgasmic and must admit I don't really understand not being able to. That's just my take on it though.

Our Bottoms Burn said...

I think reasons for the big O may be a lot more complex than what has been covered here so far.

Some observations:
There are many women taking anti-depressants. It's difficult to get up for sex while taking them.

I would think orgasms are more probable with a regular partner.

Many women need certain triggers. I knew one who needed to hear certain words at the right time.

I think it's normal to have several tremors one time and the Big O another time. [Your poll might should have included 'Most of the time']

I think that women who learned early are rewarded for their lifetimes.

One guy, wishing he could experience it just once.

Hermione said...

Hi Ronnie,

It's a sad fact that some women have never achieved orgasm. Some don't even know what that is, or whether they have or haven't had one. (If you have to ask, then no, you haven't had one.)

It's a learned skill, and most women can achieve it by first learning how to bring themselves to orgasm, finding out what works best for them, then pass that information along to a loving partner. Show and tell can be fun.

Hugs,
Hermione

joeyred51 said...

Hi,

I would hope that a loving person, male or female, would consider the emotional impact to their partner of not achieving orgasm. The cause may be physical, medical or emotional, but it has to be frustrating at the least. So, rather than focus on oneself; instead, I would show some compassion and caring.

joey

Dee said...

Whilst I'm not what you could class as multi-orgasmic, I do have them, 3 in a row was a major thing for me to achieve :) as I can sometimes struggle to 'let go' and takes my 'hanging onto my control thing to a whole new level lol, but for me, a lot of it depends on my partner, the chemistry between us and 'knowing' what buttons to push. I think it's very interesting what Our Bottoms Burn said about triggers, there is certain dialogue etc that will push me over the edge but I don't obsess about having an orgasm. I find the whole run-up etc similar in terms of being satisfied and consider myself to have a hugely satisfactory sex life regardless :)

Dee x

Anonymous said...

Mostly a lurker here, but wondering if my experience is unique... Over the past few years, it became harder and harder for me to achieve orgasm. It began to require extensive external stimulation, to say the least. I attributed it to things like kids, weight gain, even feeling disconnected from my husband mentally.

In the last several months, a couple key changes have happened: 1) my husband is addressing a health issue that directly affects our sex life - no, not impotence; 2) our overall relationship has changed and we are MUCH more connected than we've ever been. Since then, we both agee that sex is better than it's ever been (and it's a hell of a lot more frequent!). I've found that I can once again have an orgasm just due to vaginal sex - but I feel that the nature of them has changed. They aren't the curl-your-toes-turn-you-inside-out kind that were happening before. They're more warm-soft-low-level-electric-shock feeling (which is NOT to say they're not powerful!). And yes, I can have multiple ones. Sometimes it feels like one really long one. I actually like these better.

Anyway, this comment got way longer than I expected, but I hope it provides some useful data.

1manview said...

First, Thank you very much Ronnie, since my blog is poetry, it would have been tough for me to address this topic... I have read what Hermione has stated works,and also about once a woman finds her G-spot, she could achieve an orgasm. But then I watched a study in England that showed woman who could not archive an orgasm, I found out it was even more then that.... They first showed these woman and their spouse steps to help her find her pleasure spots. It made most of them feel more pleasure but not bring them to an orgasm. Then they had a surgical procedure that hook a special transmitter into their spine that went to a certain area in their vaginas. With this transmitter some of them were able to have an orgasm with the device on. The ones it didn't work on were devastated. It showed just how desperate some of these ladies were to have an orgasm. I know I wouldn't fill normal either if I could not ejaculate from sexual pleasure. This was another reason I wondered why the silence. Some woman have to seek therapy to over come the burden of not having an orgasm, but still it seem to be a silent code about it... .. And yes, it boost our male egos when our ladies shake and bake under us, or do an earth shattering dance on our tongues, but I know I could just as happy with an woman who could not achieve an orgasm as long as she was affectionate and most of all, loved me... I also saw medication being a factor, (Our Bottoms Burn) which we have run into. My spouse who is one of those look at me and I'll orgasm persons, (and no, she was virgin so I didn't know) She started having trouble coming to orgasm. She had been given some medicine to relax her muscles so she could fall asleep easier. Relax her muscles wasn't all it did. We had to have sex before she took it, or she wouldn't achieve an orgasm. But with me being a spontaneous type person, that didn't work out too well. I had to learn to make love to my spouse a different way when she took that medicine or she would not orgasm. I had to take things slower and be more attentive to her body reactions. But once in a blue moon, it just doesn't happen. And I will admit, it seem to bug me more then her when it did happen, but I let it go because I don't want to put pressure on her to have to orgasm and open up a new can of worms...
I also agree with Ronnie on the different levels of orgasm. It's the same for men. That's one reason men like having blow jobs. It's a bigger, sharper type of orgasm. She can keep you on the sharp edge if she learns how too, then lift off... My spouse use to think I preferred oral because I come so hard. After she stated that one day, I asked her what happens after she gave me oral sex. She said, you screw me like there is no tomorrow. My reply was, isn't desert always the last dish served... Thank you again Ronnie, and thank you to everyone that has responded so far, and I hope a none orgasmic person among us steps out the shadows and speak to us also...

Kitty said...

I agree with faerie...there are different levels of orgasms. I just can't describe the out of control feelings I have when I have the crazy, ecstatic ones that build and build and go on and on....

As I've posted on my blog before about orgasms and female ejaculation this is a subject near and dear to my heart, lol!

A good question to put on your poll might have been to ask how many women that have orgasms ejaculate, also.

Love,
Kitty

P.S. Trust in Daddy is what makes me have so many, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

We lack so much time and privacy with a big spread of children.So for me the dizzy tiredness that comes with all of that is the main problem.We try and be creative and make opportunities but inevitably everyday stuff happens.The thing is that since TTWD we feel closer and more intimate...there is no need to fake...and he reads me too well anyway.Can't tell you the number of times that wretched alarm goes off and we both say...oh why oh why can't we just stay naked and in bed all day long?! Sarah,LD,UK

Lea said...

Sometimes, sometimes not. I don't think all men can tell the difference between the typical pleasurable sounds and actually getting to orgasm, so why fake it?

Here's a secret. Men can fake it too. A friend once told me that things had gone on so long and he was so tired out, he just pretended that he was done when he wasn't.

ronnie said...

Faerie - Orgasms come easy for me now but they never used to and I didn't know what a real one was until my late 20s. Thanks.

OBB - Yes I do agree I haven't covered everything and yes should probably have included "Most of the time" I had a regular partner before P but never achieved one, obviously not the right man:) Thanks OBB.

Hermione - Yep, a shame. I do agree with you about experimenting and learning about your own body first. If you don't your own body how do you share what works for you. Men aren't mind readers. Thanks Hermione.

Joey - I would hope so as well. Why do some women feel the need to fake - probably because they think they should have one, there must be something wrong with them and (as the picture says) "men expect it" I know not all men do. Thanks Joey.

Dee - Sometimes it's hard to just let go and let it happen and you do sometimes need those little triggers or dialogue. I noticed in my poll 47% have achieved orgasm during a spanking. Interesting. Thanks Dee.

Anonymous - Firstly hello and welcome. With kids, health and weight issues can certainly have an effect on your sex life but I so happy to hear things are good for you right now. Thank you for joining in, very much appreciated.

1MW - It's true for some finding their G spot doesn't always say they will achieve an orgasm. Your very welcome. We'll see if we

Kitty - Ejaculation another good subject:) I wonder how many women do or even have. I must pop over and have a read of that post. Thanks Kitty.

Sarah - That's a problem for lots, kids, time, tiredness from work and yes you ave to try and find the time and opportunities but doesn't always work out that way. Us for instance, now son has moved back in finding the opportunities are hard. Thanks Sarah.

Lea - I've heard that one about men faking it, how? Maybe there's a man out there that can tell us how. Thanks Lea.

Excellent and interesting comments. Thank you all for joining in the discussion.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Daisychain said...

Can't do your poll, because my answer is not there!!!!!!! ;)

Thought this post was hilarious... then realised it was meant to be a serious one??!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxx

ronnie said...

Yes it was a serious post Daisy:)

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Red said...

Ronnie: I agree with hermione's comments. Orgasm is a learned skill, which can be improved by masturbation to find out what works and what does not, at any age.
A woman has to be open enough to experiment. Cindy always orgasms if I orally pleasure her, but this took many years into the relationship to convince her to shower or take a quick bath before my going down on her. Using public toilets during the day definitely puts a damper on oral activity. Europeans do have it right by having a bidet in the bathroom.

Spanking Bloggers: if we blog about spanking, then I would say that we have come to an awareness of what makes us tick, and thus we are intune with how to mentally and physically achieve orgasm.

Also, writing or reading about sex and / or spanking keeps the sexual spirit alive. Sort of the use it or lose it philosophy. I would say you and I read more spanking related blogs a day than spankings received in a week. So the thoughts are always present.

A man having an erection when he is about to spank or be spanked, or a woman becoming moist at the thought of spanking someone or being spanked, certainly heightens the sexual energy, making orgasms easier.

Mentally thinking of the spanking, even when one did not occur can help any sexual situation reach orgasm.

Lastly, those of us who use the internet for spanking related materials help increase the libido, thus making orgasms possible. We feel we are not alone, and can share ideas.

Hope more women and men give in to their spanking passions.
Red