Friday, 31 July 2009

Men aren't so stupid

I know that's an odd thing to say, in fact probably the wrong choice of words but I've said it now. Why? Because ages ago, about 6 months actually, I went through a period when I was almost obsessed with getting P to, ahem, deal with me seriously. Or to put it a better way, to deal with me over some serious matter via spankings, real ones not erotic ones. I told you about it here and tried to talk with P but without actually using the words because I didn't want anything contrived. I ummed and ahhed, kind of skirted around it and hoped he's somehow read my mind for the bits I didn't say.

Where did it get me? Not far really, I did get spanked good and proper over that business regarding his mother, the same evening she came to dinner, and I deserved it but other then that I haven't really been 'dealt' with, maybe we know each other too well. So I asked him about it on Wednesday, we were in our little Italian restaurant the same place I tried clumsily to broach the subject before. How I did it was easy, ''Do you think we know each other too well for you to have to punish me from time to time?'' I just asked him straight and after a quick gulp of beer he told me ''Yes probably, why do you ask.''

So I told him how I'd been feeling that time (and still) and how I'd really had a thing about being punished very firmly but tried to get my message across subtly, too subtly. He surprised me by saying he knew, he'd been aware of what I'd been suggesting and he was perfectly open to it but in all honesty it just didn't happen all that often and it wasn't something he could do just to please me, if that's the effect it would have. In fact he noted with some amusement that, on the odd occasion when he had punished me he hadn't got the impression I'd been particularly pleased. Well I might not have been at the time, or at least I might not have been overtly beaming, but such occasions have always had an effect on me, particularly afterwards, and when I look back they are warm feelings not cold ones.

What do you want me to do then?'' he asked, hand on my knee. ''Spank me good and hard next time I do something wrong, tell me off and tell me I deserve a good spanking. And if I'm feeling brave enough or cheeky enough I'll tell you where to get off, I'll probably be rude to you, tempers may raise, and then I'll deserve it and you can give me what for.''

''But you've already burst the bubble by saying that,'' he said smiling. ''It doesn't matter, still do it, when it's right, you decide, even if it's weeks or months away. And make sure I remember it, don't stop till I'm in tears and begging you to and then go some more, teach me a real lesson. It'll be okay. I think.'' I smiled too.

''Hmm,'' was all he said doubtfully, ''we'll see. Are you having dessert?'' and that was it, subject over. So we'll see what happens but I thought about what he'd said, we do get along very well so it's not as if there's a genuine need for regular corporal correction, I think I'll have to help things along if it's going to happen but at least it's in the open and at least I know he'd already got my drift. Trouble is it probably won't seem spontaneous, ah well can't have it all ways.



Spanky said...

The how/when of discipline spankings is a very complicated topic, I think, and I can't say I really understand it. I'll be very interested to hear how this turns out for you!

selkie said...

it will be interesting to see how this works out. I'm always fascinated by the different dynamics and people are endlessly interesting; we are all so unique in our needs and wants.

Hermione said...

Hmmm, yes, that's a bit of a paradox. You want to be punished, but you had to say it out loud, and therefore it won't be P's idea. But if you hadn't said anything, he would never think of doing it. What's a girl to do?

You may be closer to it than I ever will be. Just the other night Ron was telling me off for something I'd done, and I smiled sweetly and said he should give me a spanking. He replied that he had no intention of rewarding me for what I'd done. Sigh.


Sara said...

Ronnie, I could write a whole post on this, but won't take up YOUR blog for that. I think almost all guys need to be given permission, encouraged, and have our feelings laid out there like you did for P. If not, it could be considered abuse, no? The good ones love us and don't want to hurt us on the inside, our hearts, betray our trust in them. Now that you have very clearly opened the door, I would be surprised to hear he doesn't move through it. Perhaps step by step? And, btw, NO ONE that I know wants or welcomes a true punishment spanking at the time, in the moment...why do our guys find that confusing? ;) But the fact that you told him to ignore what you say in the moment was perfect. Early on, we had several of these discussions. Grant got pretty good at doing right that!


Replace guys with Tops/Dom(mes) (to include the women that like to be generous givers in play) and I think that Sara hit the nail squarely on the head. From lovers to just playmates, the good Tops genuinely care and would not want to cross the line into abuse.

But now P has your go ahead, reading about it, when it happens should be interesting :)


Dante d'Amore said...

I'm sure he got your drift, lol. You might end up wishing he didn't, but I'm sure he did.

Oh, by the way, your "men aren't so stupid" really hurts my feelings because the title proves you haven't been reading my blog that often!


Daisy said...

Hehehe, Dante, maybe she has been reading your blog all along, that may be where she got the idea from......
(runs and hides)
Ronnie, I had the almost identical dilemma with Davey, and, yes, I had to spell it out for him too... that I would protest vehemently, and say anything to get out of it, but unless I said the safe word, he should assume I was compliant no matter what angry protests were being yelled at him!!!
And, damn, did he UNDERSTAND it....ouchie!!!

M:e said...

There's some interesting stuff here for me, though I'm not sure how best to explain it. M and I are not what I'd call 'spankers', though you know we're in a power exchange relationship. Like you, I have a need to 'pay the price' if I've done something wrong. M accepted that, but only if it meant the method of punishment was something we didn't enjoy on another level when things were good.

Its one of those 'horses for courses' things I think, different for everyone.

love and hugs xxx

ronnie said...

Spanky - Too difficult to put into words I think.

Selkie - Yes, I too find it so intersting how our needs are so different, it never ceases to amaze me.

Hermione - LOL, P has in the past said the same thing to me.

Sara - I've never thought of it like that, abuse but your right. Have you ever written about it?

Perfectd - Yes I agree. Could be a a very interesting post :)

Dante - LOL, would never think that about you Dante.

Daisy - You will get yourself into trouble. Interesting you had the same dilemma.

M:e - You explained it well, I know what you mean.

Enjoyed all your comments, thanks for stopping by.


Florida Dom said...

Ronnie: A very good post and very good comments. I think the problem is that guys -- even doms -- want to turn their women on with spankings and are reluctant to give them much real pain. I think Daisy had a good idea that no matter how much she howls or cries, she doesn't want it to stop unless she says the safe word. That lets her guy know he's not going too far despite the protests.

And, Ronnie, now that you've talked with P, have you thought about putting little notes that he'll see when you're not around reminding him you hope he meets your needs.Maybe that'll make it easier for him to get the message. And hope you'll be getting a lot of good spankings in the future.