Questions, Anyone?

I think most of you know quite a lot about me through my posts but if there's anything my new readers (or my loyal ones) would like to ask - I'll happily answer.

Or maybe you have a question for P but I wont promise he'll answer:) 

Please leave your question in comments or send me an email ronniesoul@gmail.com.

Ronnie
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Spanking Party Answers

I want to thank everyone who stopped by and left a comment re my Spanking Party post and especially to all who were able to share their experiences with us.

Here are the questions answers in case anyone missed the original post...

1. If you've never attended one before - do you just go along and go up to the.. Maitre d'..?../organiser and introduce yourself.  Is there any protocol?

2. How do you let others know you would like to spank or be spanked? Do you just go right up to them and ask? Do some wear badges with their name and preferences, specialities  experience etc?  

3. If you've agreed to be spanked by someone you've never met until that day - how do you go about letting them know how much you can take/what implements/ safeword. With so many different preferences, tolerances etc, do you go off and agree more or less what's on and what's off (might be a bit clinical) or do you 'trust' someone you've maybe never met before (might be exciting dangerous) and also what about the safeword, who chooses it, is it a prerequisite, is it sacrosanct?

4. What happens if you're OTK and someone goes a little too far and doesn't stop even though you want it to, by safewording or some creep lets his hand wander where they shouldn't?  Is there a referee or do you give them a kick and tell them in no uncertain terms what you think of them?

5. Can you attend and not participate?

SpankCake...
I will answer these the best I can! I just attended Shadow Lane last month... my first spanking party!

1. At the door there was a table where you could register if you didn't do so online. I actually never met the organizer, or if I did, I didn't realize who they were. Shadow Lane is a big party, so I imagine it would be different for smaller get togethers.

2. We all wore badges that had our name and four circles you could check off: Dom, Sub, Switch and Other. Many people had trouble seeing the details and would just ask... it is a great ice breaker, making way for conversation with new friends.

3. I only got spanked twice, the first time was in a group setting where limits were discussed prior to the scene. The second time, she asked as we went along, but I was pretty open going into it.

4. There was no referee, but much of the play happens in front of people and I would think anyone of them would come to your rescue. I think the rules of private play are like those if you were to engage in private play outside of a spanking party. One suite had privacy cubicles, where you could play in private, but had the security of people being nearby in case anything like that were to happen.

5. Yes! I participated to the most minimum degree. I never felt out of place, but it was very much like being on a diet at a buffet! Takes a lot of will power!

I'm not sure if you saw my party reports, but just in case, here, here and here.

Joey...
1. Many parties require an application before the address of the venue is provided. Sometimes the organizers will talk to the applicants first or ask for references. This is more important for male tops. A good organizer will discuss the protocols with a male including safe words, dress code, hand placement during a spanking, etc.

If approved, the address of the venue is released to the applicant. A good organizer will ask the new party goers to introduce themselves in person at the start of the event. The organizer will introduce the new person to experienced members of the club who will help them meet people. Often there are chat rooms or message boards so that new party goers can introduce themselves and meet others online before the party.

2. At SCONY parties, I put on a name tag (scene name) with a color that indicates if I am a Top, Switch or Bottom. I wrote my preference on my name tag for Shadow Lane.

A new person should talk and connect with people first. Experienced members try to help them feel comfortable and meet other members. Hopefully, a first timer has emailed some party goers first and arranged to meet a couple of people.

A top will ask a female if you want to play once they have met you. Male bottoms must ask to be spanked! Usually females do not have to ask to be spanked, but some do. You can agree to play or not. A top should not be offended by a no. Often the people you met online or at the party will suggest a top or introduce you to one.

3. All tops should discuss your limits with you. For a first time party goer, most tops will go easy. A top must discuss safe words with you as well. A safe word is "sacred." Use of a safe word means stop.

I start with easy spanks by hand and ask if it is OK. I will build up a little harder and ask again. For a new person, I may use my soft leather paddle for a few spanks as well. I want the first experience with me to be fun. Almost all experienced male tops I know will follow this process for new players.

As a first time party goer, a female should rely on other female bottoms for advice on who is a good top. If no one knows a male top, I would suggest not playing with him. Again, this is for a first time party goer.

4. I know female friends who have experienced both of the situations you describe. At a SCONY event, a female in distress can be heard by other guests. The type of misbehavior you describe would cause someone to be ejected and banned from future parties. Hotel parties, where play is in rooms, creates a higher degree of risk for the female.

5. Sometimes, a person will attend a party for the first time and not play. Just attending a party takes a lot of courage. I try to encourage a female to try a very light hand spanking over pants as a means of stress release. I know from experience that they will be upset at the end of the party if they did not have at least one experience.

At the SCONY parties I attend, experienced members guide and help new party goers. We were once newbies and know how emotional a first party is for most people.

Joey has kindly invited anyone who has more questions to email him or if your a little shy send them to me and I'll pass them on.

Our Bottom Burns...
Others have answered about the "public" parties. I will answer about the smaller "private" parties. You are invited and know something about everyone that will be there before you arrive. You have had the opportunity to IM, exchange emails, talk with others before the party. So you know the players, who spanks, who wants to spank, how they like to play and with that degree of familiarity, you don't have wandering hands.

Have known one or two that said they were just going to watch. They did not watch long.

Rob...
Most parties have their own protocols. SSNY and SCONY (in NY) as well as MSA, all tend to be quite solicitous to the new bottom. SSNY's tend to be larger and louder, while on the other side MSA is very small and every guest has been fully vetted.

All of the suggestions are good:
1. Start by observing.
2. You can ask one of the organizers for safe people to introduce you to for your first experience.
3. Talk with other subs.
4. If you talk with a top and he wants to play, he should be the one bringing up safewords, limits, etc.
5. Routinely I will check with a play partner to see how they are doing (especially if I know they are a newbie).
6. Go to a MUNCH. This is not a play party but is frequently people that go to play parties.
They meet in a very vanilla setting and discuss things in general or a party following the munch.
7. If you feel pressured to play or do something you don't want to STOP. The parties are based on mutual consent.

I have heard of things going awry, but oddly enough, not at the parties I attended.

If you use reasonable caution and common sense, you should have a good time.

Inappropriate touching does occur, but I believe this happens more frequently in dungeons, BDSM parties than at "pure" spanking parties.

I am not saying it never does, but I would say it is considerable less.

People who do inappropriate touching find that they are not welcome at most spanking parties.

The three main ones in NY (MSA, SCONY and SSNY) all would immediately throw anyone out who engaged in that behavior.

Lea...
1. Even the "public" events are somewhat private in the sense that you typically do some sort of registration before finding out where and when the party is.

This is for everyone's safety so things don't get crashed by vanillas or worse, some crazy FBI spanking sting operation. ;-)

2. I'm sure people would LOVE if you went right up and asked! That is one direct way to initiate things. Usually there are name tags where you can indicate your role or "just observing."

Smaller private parties aren't necessarily set up this way. At local BDSM events I've attended it's a lot more difficult to know who is into what and how to approach since it isn't "just" a spanking party.

3. I've always had a conversation, sometimes a few, with the person I'm thinking about being spanked by. That way we can both talk about our preferences and limits. "Just so you know, I bruise easily so don't be freaked out" or "I really love leather." Whatever you think might be important to mention.

Some people may not do safewords, but I always discuss what safewords will be in place, even with people who have spanked me many, many times. I know someone who thinks it's not necessary and silly. "It's a spanking? What's the worst that could happen?" he says. Personally, I don't want to find out. No one has objected to me having them in place and if they did I would find someone else to play with.

4. If something clearly inappropriate happens, one can usually tell the party organizer or whoever else might be around to get help handling it. Most people I know would swiftly kick the offender out.

These situations seem few and far between, but having recently experienced one I can't say enough about the importance of speaking up. If you don't say something, it can't be fixed. If you don't tell anyone, they can't help you.

5. Absolutely. Even with the group I attend frequently and know people well, there are times I switch to the "just observing" tag. Sometimes I'm just tired out or my bottom has had enough for the moment. People are always respectful of that.

Emen...
Secret Spanko also wrote a funny, detailed report here of his admittedly brief but chockfull experience at TASSP, the party in Dallas last June. Very different from Shadow Lane in Vegas.

Anyone been to a UK spanking party?  Love to hear from you if you have.

Enjoy the weekend.

Ronnie
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You Asked II

KiwiGirl - Do you get spanked for punishment or for pleasure, or for both?

Both but mostly pleasure; even though some of the pleasure spankings are administered under the guise of punishment to add spice both of us can tell, without words to pre-arrange, that the ultimate outcome will be pleasure. On the minority occasions when I've been spanked purely as punishment I haven't liked it, I think because I know I've seriously upset my husband not because of the pain of the spanking although that is not inconsiderable. I also have to say that genuine punishment spankings are the ones that fascinate me most and I have, from time to time, tried to engineer them but it's a very fine line.

Sarah - Have you ever met a real life D/d girl? (it's alright for those over the pond...they tend not to be as reserved as the Brits)

Dee - Have you D/d friends over here that you have met?

Sarah, I know what you mean about us Brits being reserved. Believe it or not and you wouldn't think so with me having a spanking blog but I am quite a shy person. In answer to our question, no, I haven't met a D/d girl and yes I would very much like to and I'm sure at some point I will.

Dee, I have D/d girlfriends over here who I email but have never met but would like to when the time is right.

Pref - I have read a few times about spankos "coming out" to their parent(s) about their kink and even one BDSM blogger who came out to her adult offspring but I have never read about the other aspect of coming out. As a hypothetical scenario, if your son came out to you as a spanko, what do you think your reaction to him would be, as a parent?

Hmm...well first of all I'm not sure about the concept of 'coming out' in relation to spanking, I mean I can see it's relevance with gay preferences but with spanking I'm not so sure; I mean, why not come out and say you practice oral sex or refer doggy style or love dressing in plastic macs or whatever, where do you draw the line? Anyway knowing our son I think I would be initially shocked...that he saw fit to tell me!!!...then curious as to why he felt it necessary and perhaps, after the shock wore off, whether he wanted any advice. Would I say "Snap!?"...No!!!.

James - Do you Spank each other?

Mr&Mrs. B - I know you get the spankings, but have you ever spanked an adult male?

No, we're not switches. I have spanked P, lazily and by sneaking it up on him in the right mood and he hasn't objected, but there was no enthusiasm either.

Mr&MrsB - Is it ritualised, or as and when?

I suppose there is a bit of a ritual element in many spankings, in terms of the way they are initiated and conducted, even if we don't consciously recognise the rituals at the time. We have tried formal rituals like weekly maintenance, punishment book etc, mostly at my instigation, but they have always faded away, I think P gets bored with them although to me they were good because they were regular. At the moment it's very much as and when and I think, although I complain of drought at times, it's probably the best way.

*****

Excellent questions. Thank you - Mr&MrsB, Prefectdt, Sarah, James, KG Dee

Ronnie

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Second picture from Otto

You Asked.....

Mick - I noticed that you can be rather hacked after a spanking? Are you always, even if you were looking forward to one? - I'm not certain exactly what you mean by "hacked,"I guess peed off in some way. I'd say it's true that sometimes I get spanked and don't get my own way which for me would usually mean sex, sometimes that frustrates me but then again I normally enjoy several hours afterwards with a sore backside trying to get my husband's attention for some make-up time. There are occasions when I get spanked for doing something totally wrong and they hurt and there's no question of sex even though in nearly all cases frisson builds in the day or days following and when hanky panky comes it's usually very fulfilling. I'd say only about a quarter of my spankings leave me hacked off and usually it's only shot term.

PK - How long have you been spanking and how did you bring it up the first time?

OBB - How your first spanking with P came about? - Have to get the old grey cells working. If I remember correctly it started around my late twenties, gradually with playful swats, probably like it does with most couples. Then much later I read some throwaway paperback on holiday, I think a Jackie Collins, in which there was a brief account of a girl getting spanked and I told P about it, I remember him reading the extract and telling me so and saying it seemed to have done her some good. I think that was probably the first time P ever mentioned it, I mean the actual determined act of spanking, and told him I agreed.

Later the same day P spanked me, we'd been out to some barbecue place where there was dancing and free flowing wine, we were both a bit tipsy or at least I thought we were, and I know I was acting seductively, P noticed it of course and so did other men according to him. Anyway to cut it short when we got back to our chalet I got spanked for the first time ever, it was fairly hard, or I thought so, and it was followed by ridiculously satisfying hot summer night sweaty sex. Next morning I woke late, P was already up I could hear him swimming in the pool, when I came out of the shower he'd done breakfast for us on the terrace, I told him he'd spanked me last night as if I expected some explanation but he just patted my bottom and said he knew and it didn't do me any harm did it? Well he was right.

Joey - Do you have a spanking fantasy, a scene that thrills you? - Yes, I'd love to be spanked after a riding session, I would have to be correctly attired and so would he, I would have failed to impress in some way, or been disobedient or lazy not tending to my horse properly, something along those lines. It would perhaps have been a repeat offence for which I'd been warned and now I'd gone too far. He would deal with him firmly in the stable, bending me over a hay bale or something and giving me a should cropping.

Isabella - I'd like to ask how you met and when did you know he was the one? - We met when he became the new manager of a place I was working. I didn't like him, he was aloof and sarcastic in my opinion, probably a bit too young to hold the management position he had (don't tell him that, I never have.) He kept asking me to go out and I kept refusing, he was very persistent, my friends told me I ought to give it a go. Then an occasion occurred when my friends got tickets to see a favourite pop group at the time and I didn't manage to get one as they were a sell out. When he found and knew that I was disappointed he went out of his way to get me a ticket, I don't know to this day how he did it, I guess he paid over the odds, anyway it got him firmly in my good books and our first date wasn't long after. There was no light bulb moment when I thought that's it, he's the one. It just seemed so natural being with him.

Lea - What's your favourite colour? - Pink followed by red

Oops, sorry you didn't mean the colour of my bottom after a spanking:) My favourite colour it Blue Lea.

You know me - I love pictures with my posts but sometimes the font changes so keep fingers it doesn't with this post.

Thank you - PK, OBB, Joey, Mick, Isabella and Lea for the excellent questions.

Please come back tomorrow for more questions and answers.

Ronnie

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