Friday, 6 April 2018

An Insolent Bottom

How can that be. I mean, a bottom isn't its own entity, it doesn't make decisions, it isn't responsible for its actions. It's like saying someone has rude hands or a cheerful ankle or whatever body part you care to name isn't cognisant. I made this point to my husband the other night when we were sitting in our local bistro after he had told me our waitress had an insolent bottom.

It came about because P was served part of his meal on a wooden platter, real wood not the plastic stuff. They were outlawed years ago by health authorites for most foods, they look good but they're not hygienic. The table next to us got one and another across the room did too. We know because the waitress went to each of the other tables and presumably apologised, we couldn't hear what she told them but one of them had theirs replaced with ugly white plastic and the other carried on with their meal after a bit of gesticulation and shrugging of shoulders. She'd already been to us and explained a new commis chef had made a mistake but P said it was fine no problem, not to worry he wouldn't report them. He was just joking in a friendly way, she cocked her head to one side as if to say it's up to you, or that was how my husband read it. Then when she walked away from the table where she'd replaced the platter with a plastic one, she had a smirk on her face, again so my husband said (I couldn't see because my back was towards her). A smirk not a smile.

Sorry to have bored you with the background. Anyway that was when P said she had an insolent bottom. The first thing I did was to turn round and glimpse her bottom, not an unnatural reaction when one's husband makes reference to another female's bottom. I couldn't see any insolence just a (I suppose) shapely(ish) backside encased in tight black trousers. I told him that a person could be insolent but their bottom couldn't and, in any case, why was he looking at her bottom. He didn't answer my question but he did insist that a bottom could be insolent and hers definitely was and if he'd been running the restaurant he'd be keeping a close eye on her. I said it looked as if he already had been but still his comment was ridiculous.

Then, and this is the funny bit, well a bit funny, shows how fickle we can be ...P told me he should be able to recognise an insolent bottom when he sees one, he'd been dealing with one for many years. I'm sure I blushed a bit, he's never called my bottom insolent before not that I can remember anyway. Then I shuffled around on my seat, suddenly keen to learn more about bottoms and insolence, mine in particular, all thoughts of the waitress gone from my mind. I was suddenly interested to learn how I could make mine more insolent, regardless of the logic or lack of:)

We had a very pleasant evening and when we got home I got my 'insolent' bottom smacked. Hard. It was a perfect end to the evening, well not quite the end.    

Have a fun weekend.



Fondles said...

I was smiling the whole time i was reading this post. Like a ninny too cos i’m in the bus! Thank you for that mid day read :)

Roz said...

Hi Ronnie,

I do love the conversations you and P have. An insolent it! Sounds like a wonderful evening, glad your insolent bottom got some attention lol :)


abby said...

Sometimes those 'silly' conversations can lead to some serious fun...makes me wonder if my bottom is 'insolent'...have a fun weekend. hugs abby

Anonymous said...

A woman’s body can speak in so many ways. A bottom can be insolent for sure, or sometimes sassy. Sadly also can be aloof.

Anonymous said...

I like you two. 'Tis your English humour. Similar to mine...


Hermione said...

I quite agree with P - bottoms can be very insolent ;)

I hate the thought of eating off a wooden platter. That's what one of our oldest restaurants here used to use for all their meals. It was strictly all beef there, steak or roast. Jamie Oliver seems to serve everything on old, partly painted barn boards and it turns me off, even if the food itself looks tasty.


Richard Hetndon said...

I suppose it may have something to do with how they are adorned how they are displayed in public or private but I agree some do invite a firm hand to be applied Good post dear lady

PK said...

Ronnie, please keep doing your research and let us know if you find a way to make a bottom more insolent. I bet more of us would try it.

Leigh Smith said...

As with PK, please let us know how I can make my bottom more insolent - Ray needs the incentive.

Love your relationship.

EsMay said...

Been trying my hand at writing, and one of the characters definitely gives human characteristics to a bottom he describes, including insolent, begging, fearful and pleased. :) Glad P thinks the same. :)

ronnie said...

Fondles - Happy it got you smiling. Thanks.

Roz - I must admit we do have some funny ones. Thanks.

Abby - I think it may be:) Thanks.

Anonymous - Hello. I'm think P's right. Don't think mine has ever been aloof:) Thanks.

Yorkie - Thank you. Some say they don't understand the English humour.

Hermione - I'm beleive he's right. I said to P after why have them in the kitchen anyway when restaurants are not supposed to use them. Don't think JO's reasturants serve them on those boards now, not 100% sure. Thanks.

Richard. Yes you are right. Thank you.

PK - I sure will. Thanks.

EsMay - begging, fearful and pleased. I like that. Thanks.


Ella said...

I think P's observations may have opened up a whole new approach to storytelling.

The Tale of the Insolent Bottom and the Smart Ass Hand
The Naughty Mouth and the Interested Cock
The Wayward Cum and the Old Sweat Sock

And other stories of interest by Mr. P .....

Hugs Across the Pond,

Windy said...

After reading your story, I admit I had to go look for the definition of that word. And then I actually laughed out loud when I read it! I asked my hubby if he knew what it meant. He did and said it was something someone in authority might use (not knowing the context until I told him about your post afterward.) HA! He would know!

morningstar said...

I am sitting here grinning from ear to ear... love the give and take between you and P :)

glad you had an enjoyable end to the discussion (cheeky grin)

NoraJean said...

Ha! ... I'm liking Ella's take on P's observation. Keep us posted on your research, Ronnie! ... nj

Rosie Jones said...

I get the idea of an insolent bottom - just asking to be spanked. All depends on the wiggle in the walk, I think!
Glad the evening went to well for you...
Rosie xx

Rosie Jones said...

*so* well for you!

Red said...

delightful evening out, with appropriate spanking afterwards, plus more. Glad to see you both can have fun anytime from the slightest pretext.
bottoms up

Eric51 Amy49 said...

You two have such a lovely rapport. Thoroughly enjoyed your post!

Katie said...

LOL Ronnie! :) Loved your fun post! Made me laugh! An 'Insolent bottom' is quite the concept. I think that you are doing some important research for mankind. :)

I'd say that you are definitely off to a good start, as P took good care of yours. Wonderful! Carry on! LOL! Many hugs,

❤️Katie xoxo

Minelle Labraun said...

Love this Ronnie! Glad your insolent bottom was ‘seen to!’
I thing my cheeky, thin ice bottom did ok as well!

ronnie said...

Ella - LOL, Love it especially The Tale of the Insolent Bottom and the Smart Ass Hand. Thanks.

Windy - Hello. happy you enjoyed it. Thanks.

Morningstar - Yes a perfect ending to the the discussion:) Thanks.

NoraJean - I certainly will. Thanks.

Rosie - Yep it's in the wiggle. Thanks.

Red - We have our moments. Thanks.

Amy - Lovely of you to say. Thank you.

Katie - I do try and help where I can:) Thanks.

Minelle - Thanks. Happy we both got the burn.