Please, Please / Pepper Pig

Spanked because of Peppa Pig

Sounds bizarre doesn't it, but its true

We were both in the office Saturday morning, P doing his VAT return and me getting some orders out, thought it might impress if I dispatch before midday Saturdays during the Christmas run-up. Anyway we got a call from our sister in law, I couldn't chat because the post goes prompt but P could and did, in fact he was asking her for some gift ideas for her two young children and I heard him ask if they watched Peppa Pig on TV and whether they'd like some videos or games.

Our sister in law is Jewish, P's brother (deceased) was not so our nephews are half Jewish, my ears pricked up at P's words...first because I was stunned that my husband had any knowledge or interest in Peppa Pig and second because I wondered about the pork thing, you know. I mouthed my disapproval and then scribbled JEWS - PORK - PIGS and held it up. P just laughed and told our SIS exactly what I'd done and from the sound of the conversation that followed they both thought it was amusing and in fact Peppa Pig had indeed been a favourite but not so much as the kids were getting older. P got some other gift ideas, chatted a while and ended with a cheery 'see you next week' which we will as we're driving down to visit next weekend.

So back to Peppa Pig, I asked P where on earth he'd learned about the little porker, he told me he'd recently bought shares in the company that produces Peppa and he just wanted a kid's point of view, he also said he'd noticed Peppa advent calendars and toys in Tesco's, he seemed pleased. I asked him if SIS had thought I'd gone mad mentioning the pig-pork thing, how embarrassing, but he said 'no, not at all, she lust laughed and told me to give you a smack on the bum and tell you not to be daft'. I knew he was lying about the smack on the bum but I stuck my backside out cheekily anyway.

It was all it took, P was obviously in a playful mood anyway and he got up and hauled me over to his desk, opened the right hand drawer and took out a dogging bat (don't ask me what it was doing in there or which of my evil friends across the pond provided it - she knows!). He said it was a pig slapper and he was going to see if it would make me squeal like one when he applied it to my haunches.

''You can't, I'll be late for the post!'' I told him but it fell on deaf ears. He had my jeans down in a trice, over his desk and was slapping away in no time, I can tell you those dogging bats make quite a noise because of the double slapper, I think they're made that way to intimidate as much from the noise as the actual slap, not to say the slap isn't effective, it was sufficient to have me squiggling and yes squealing throughout. P stopped after a few minutes, gave me a hearty slap from his hand and told me to go and get my merchandise sorted out. ''And by the way, you did squeal like a little piglet,'' he said smiling.

''I'm not going to make it,'' I said as I fastened my jeans.

''Yes you will, get on with it,'' said my sympathetic spouse, ''or you'll be back over my desk.''

I pouted, grabbed my orders list and rushed off to my little upstairs office store room, inwardly beaming. I briefly considered missing the post intentionally but that would have been unprofessional, customers come first:)

Ronnie

xx