Friday, 26 July 2013

The Thing in the Greenhouse

The first time she saw it, it was in the greenhouse. Bella remembered the occasion clearly. Less than two weeks ago she had been happily pottering, transplanting seedlings, when she detected a small movement from behind a plant pot on the bench. She jumped back, startled. If it was a spider she would run away shrieking. If it was a mouse - well, she could cope with that. She rather liked mice.

Armed with a trowel she stepped cautiously towards the bench. All was quiet. She could see nothing unusual. A row of golden headed marigolds smiled at her. She reached out to brush away a crumpled leaf. And then she saw it, and hurriedly stepped back, squealing.

It was small and green, the size of a tennis ball. It had a big head with protruding eyes that bulged from beneath a jutting forehead. It had a squab nose and an orange beak, and a pair of almost comical legs ending in splayed webbed feet. What was it? Some sort of frog? But no - it couldn't possibly be a frog for it had wings; and below the wings were tiny arms with balled fists. A flying frog? Experiencing a tingling blend of curiosity tinged with fear, Bella rubbed her eyes and stared at the ungainly creature.

It stared back, regarding her calmly. And then it jumped. It jumped up and down as though it were on a pogo stick. Bella yelled out in surprise and ran out of the greenhouse. She didn't dare venture back in until a few days later. Having left the door open, she fervently hoped that the creature had got out into the garden and been eaten by a cat.

No such luck. It was sitting on the top shelf stuffing its face with her marigolds! Its cheeks bulged as though it had food stored in pouches like a hamster.

"Oi!! Don't you dare eat my plants!!" yelled Bella. She picked up a garden fork and brandished it menacingly, then strode purposefully into the greenhouse. However, she exited quickly when she realised that the creature had more than quadrupled in size. It sat on the top shelf of the greenhouse, contentedly munching, an idyllic expression on its face.

"Shoo!" Bella stabbed the air with the pitchfork.

The creature regarded her fearlessly and rammed another marigold flower down its throat. It made a slobbery noise as it chewed.

"Disgusting thing! Get out of my greenhouse! Go on - shoo!"

It made a soft angry clicking sound and squinted at Bella defiantly. Bella was angry and yet still too afraid to touch the thing. How on earth was she to get rid of it before it ate everything in sight? An idea sprang to mind and she smiled and went to find next doors cat.

Tibbles was easily bribed into the greenhouse with a niece piece of boiled ham. Once he was in there, Bella slid the door shut and went inside the house for coffee and biscuits. She smiled in satisfaction as she heard the angry mewing and screeching. Good old Tibbles.

But alas, Tibbles was no more. For on entering the greenhouse again, Bella saw a big clump of Tibbles gingery fur sticking out of the creatures beak. And horror of horrors - the creature was now the size of a small dog. Bella screamed and ran next door, her fists flailing and pounding on Uncle Herbert's front door.

He wasn't her real Uncle, but for all their spanking games she addressed him as such, and he in turn regarded her as his wayward niece Isobella.

"Ohhhhhhhh, Uncle Herbert," wailed Bella, real tears sparkling on her flushed face.

"Why, whatever is the matter? What's wrong?" Uncle Herbert ushered her inside into the sitting room and deposited her on the sofa.

"Its a creature - I thought at first it was a frog, but it isn't. Its a green thing. Its eaten all my plants and now its gone and eaten Tibbles!"

"I see," remarked Uncle Herbert, arching his bushy eyebrows.

"Poor, poor Tibbles," sighed Bella.

"Indeed," said Uncle Herbert, a distinct note of sarcasm in his voice. He rose and strode to the sideboard at the opposite end of the room. From the top drawer he took out a hefty looking leather tawse.

"Now Bella - what have I told you about telling fibs?"

"But Uncle Herbert - I'm not telling fibs! I'm not!" Bella stamped her feet crossly.
"Let me be the judge of that, young lady. Now, lets have those knickers down and give that naughty bottom of yours a damn good seeing to."
"Nooooo," said Bella. "This isn't a game. There really is a nasty creature in the greenhouse, and its growing bigger and bigger, and its eaten poor Tibbles."

"Nonsense, girl," snapped Uncle Herbert, and upended Bella over his sturdy lap.

He raised her skirt and lowered her knickers, admiring the plump well-rounded rump that greeted him. He gave it an affectionate squeeze and then proceeded to demonstrate what happens to naughty girls who tell lies. The tawse rose and fell and Bella squealed and hollered and wriggled as her bottom reddened nicely beneath Uncle Herbert's diligent ministrations. He delighted in the meaty thwack the tawse made as it disciplined her wobbling cheeks, and because the naughty minx showed no sign of contrition or truthfulness, he thrashed the tender area on top of her thighs.

Bella screeched and yelled even louder, the fate of poor deceased Tibbles banished from her mind by the searing pain that welted her thighs. As she lay panting and whimpering, Uncle Herbert went to fetch the cane, and made her bend over the arm of the sofa as he wielded it expertly. Twelve cutting strokes later, Bella was sent home in disgrace and ordered to go to bed.

Still sniffling and whimpering, Bella rubbed her swollen bottom and tried to get herself comfortable in bed. Meanwhile, the thing in the greenhouse had woken up to the fact that it had a taste for protein, and went out in search of more. It snuck up behind Uncle Herbert and gobbled him down greedily, while Bella drifted off to sleep and dreamt about giant man-eating yellow marigolds.

Flopsybunny (aka Lucy Appleby) kindly sent me this fun story to share. Thanks Flopsy.  It did make me laugh. Hope you all enjoyed it. 

Have a fun weekend.



Fondles said...

Hurray for justice! Uncle Herbert deserved it!

Hermione said...

A very strange story. "a squab nose and an orange beak"? But isn't a squab's nose in its beak?

Sort of like Little Shop of Horrors.


Roz said...

Great story. Both strange and fun. Thanks for sharing Ronnie.

Have a wonderful weekend.


Anonymous said...

Cute story. Thanks.


sunnygirl said...

Very humorous. Lucy has quite an imagination.

PK said...

Too bad the little green thing couldn't have caned Uncle Herbert first!

Ami Starsong said...

Have to agree with Hermione's comment here! Glad "Sir" got his comeuppance though!



ronnie said...

Fondles - He should have believed her. Thanks.

Hermione - Sounds like a creature I wouldn't want to meet. Thanks.

Roz - Made me smile. Thanks.

Joey - I thought so. Cheers.

SG - She certainly has. I have one more of hers to share:) Thank you.

PK - NOw that would have been strange to read about:) Thank.

Ami - He really didn't believe her. Thank you.


Blondie said...

The thing sounds kind of like the plant that eats humans, there is a play about it but I can't remember the name of it.
I like how the plant ate the Uncle who was quite a mean bully

garyntboy said...

I feel sorry for poor Bella, who's going to tan her bottom now ?
Amusing story.
Kind regards,

ronnie said...

Blondie - Was a fun story. Thanks.

Gary - I was thinking the same:) Cheers.