Rude Britannia

Those of you who know me will know I like to include a little culture once a week, depending what the Sundays papers have come up with, and this Bank Holiday weekend they've done splendidly. A substantial piece by Tony Barrell in the Sunday Times on the British Museum's little known collection of porn through the ages, its available to see but some of it you have to request access and some books you can only view under surveillance in secure areas. Goodness me what do they think we're going to get up to?

It's quite revealing, funny and lots of interesting facts including stuff from Samuel Pepys who was reading in 1668 ''L'Escholles des Filles'' The Girls School, and described it as '''a mighty lewd book, but yet not amiss for a sober man once to read over, to inform himself in the villainy of this world.''

It alludes to goings on in monasteries between priests and nuns, many of the ancient accounts being written in French and not replicated in the article unfortunately. However the author assures us that striking amounts of whipping and birching went on and privately printed porn was widely available throughout the 19th century. Volumes such as The Quintessence of Birch Discipline by Mrs Martinet has plates showing extremely aroused men lashing out left right and centre with bunches of twigs. Contemporary volumes such as Lady Bumtickler's Revels were no less popular and some raunchy plays had characters with names such as Master Lovebirch and Lady Belinda Flaybum.

All good stuff I say and nice to see our ancestors knew how to amuse themselves.

Ronnie

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And I really needed some new jodhpurs...

There's a mini kind of equestrian shop opened near where we work, not just horsey stuff they do pet supplies too, not sure exactly what you'd call it, we have plenty of countryside and stables not far from the office so they'll probably do okay.

Anyway I ventured in the other day because I was curious, not thinking about whips, crops, horse brushes, jodphurs you understand, just fatally attracted like a moth to light. They had them all as it happens, and after I scurried past some cages with hamsters and pet white mice (mice make me shudder even the friendly ones, how come a lick of white paint's supposed to make them cuddly) I spotted a very nice whip, which I picked up, similar to the one we have but more expensive, they also had longer ones, thinner ones, dressage ones which looked evil. I must have been standing there stroking it absent mindedly when I heard a man's voice say it was a good all rounder and then asked me if I needed any help. Now I've no idea what you're supposed to check when choosing a whip but I'm pretty certain he knew I wasn't a rider. I supposed he must be the owner.

I know I must have gone red, I recovered my thoughts quickly and muttered something about best if my daughter comes in herself and chooses one, she knows what she needs. It didn't sound quite natural, I think I went redder and left the shop.

So I've blown it, I actually fancied a new pair of jodphurs, need a pair in fact because my own which are about twenty years old seem to have shrunk, or at least I had a devil of a job getting into them when they were put to non equestrian use a while back, but I can't go in there again I'd be too embarrassed, in fact I hope I don't bump into him until the memory has faded.

His shop is on route to the post office, the most direct way that is, so I'll be taking the scenic route for a while.

Ronnie

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Anyone for Volleyball?

My sister-in-law and two nephews were up in the Midlands for the best part of last week, we had a nice large family meal out on Friday night, they were going directly down to Bournemouth Sunday morning for a week's sun and sand holiday. I was talking with the elder of her two boys he asked me what there was to do down there for kids of his age. So on Saturday I found quite a few activities and local attractions on the Internet, beach volleyball was amongst them because he's sports mad.

Obviously I didn't show him this particular part of my research but I couldn't help thinking all the places we've been and I've never come across the game looking as interesting.

Reminds me of holidays, I'm still due one, reminds me of bums too. Mine's feeling under used again.

Ronnie

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Perfect Pleasures

So there was I driving along when a truck pulled out at traffic lights bearing livery as seen in the pic, I could hardly believe my eyes let alone get my nokia out and in camera mode with one hand on the wheel and pretending I wasn't distracted from driving (do they fine us for taking snapshots with phones as well as talking on them?).

Too good to miss, I checked their website later and its exactly what you'd expect it to be, first time I've seen such goods in transit.

From the size of the truck I'd say they must be popular. And you in the car in front of me, sorry if I seemed to be pushing you but I wanted to get a closer shot, and if you are the driver of the car in front you now know the phone user behind you on Saturday morning was me. So hi, and if you're reading this we obviously share some common interests so why not say hello:)

Ronnie

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Flushing out the Prudes

I'm not sure if any of you remember me posting about some very nice post-it notes that P was given. I've linked it here.

I said jokingly that I might use them in the office and they might flush out the prudes. I did start using them but just for my own use and I occasionally messaged P with one, actually our son was down at the office the other day and he spotted them and thought they were great, said we should ask Bill for some more if he's got any left.

Anyway not to digress. Yesterday I had to do some photocopying, quite a pile of complicated paperwork, all in the right order, and I made some notes on the post-its and kept them in separate piles. Copying done I went back to office.

A bit later P went to the copy room for some coloured paper and came back to our office with a sheet of A4 with one of our little post-it notes stuck to it and a message saying more or less whoever this belongs to please remove and refrain from leaving such male laddish trash in communal areas. I didn't recognise the handwriting, I don't think it was from the admin office because they have sense of humour there. I wonder if the poster identified me as the culprit by recognising my scribble on the note, or maybe they saw me leave the copy room.

Now for the record I'd say about 40-50 people share the use of our copy room at various times, we have our own offices but certain shared facilities, and probably 70% of them are female and I'd say the writing was a woman's hand. I'd say the woman responsible should lighten up, goodness know what she'd think if I left a page of links to spanking blogs, I think the paramedics would have to be called.

Talk about flushing out the prudes.

Ronnie

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A moment to reflect

On what's to come...or has it passed?

Sorry I am not sure where the photo came from. If anybody knows, please say.

Ronnie

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Wearing boys pants can get you spanked

Our family bathroom is way overdue for re-decorating, there's some flaking paint on the skirting. So on Saturday I told P I'd give it a quick lick of paint, only take an hour or so while he was at the office.

I put a pair of P's old underpants on and then joked to him that as I was doing boys work (I know it's not only boys work) better dress appropriately. "Wat do you mean", those aren't my jeans".

So I loosened the button and pulled the waistband of his pants up for him to see what I was wearing underneath my jeans. He doesn't wear them anymore they're years old, I keep them in my drawer because there's a story attached to them, anyway there was soon to be another one, or so I hoped, short sharp and sweet. He took the bait. ''Well you can take your jeans right off and come with me into the bedroom before you get started, I can see you're in a cheeky mood and I wouldn't want you doing a less than exemplary job so I think five minutes across my knee should help you take it seriously. You'll get the 'boys' work done with a sore bottom, and you'd better do a good job or it'll be the bath brush when I get back from the office''.

Now this was all in good fun as you can imagine from my telling but even so the spanking was carried out with P's customary efficiency and I did indeed have to get on with it with my cheeky bum well warmed, I enjoyed it too and looked forward to his return, making sure I'd missed a few bits. I got the work done minus the missed bits, left the brush out, silly dizzy me not knowing it needs to be washed.

Then what happened, our son came home unexpectedly early, I called to watch out there's wet paint in the bathroom and went about some ironing. Twenty minutes later son appeared in the kitchen, ''You missed a couple of bits, Mom, I filled them in for you and cleaned the brush up.'' And with a peck on the cheek he went to put the brush and paint away in the garage.

When P returned a bit later he said I'd done a good job, he probably figured the threat of the bathbrush may have helped, I told him actually I hadn't done a great job at all, I'd missed some and if it hadn't been for our son the paintbrush would have dried up and gone rock hard. He just smiled and said oh well it all turned out fine so no problem.

Well maybe it wasn't a problem for him but I'd been primed and I'd been looking forward to a telling off from that bathbrush for my girlie carelessness and it didn't happen. And I was horny as hell for the rest of the day.

Ronnie

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Stamp of Scientific Approval

So now it's official, spanking can bring couples together. It may be difficult, even painful, to start with but in the longer term it is beneficial according to research carried out in several countries for New Scientist magazine. So I did a bit of research myself and found plenty of evidence that spanking might have the effect claimed, I mean take a look at the images below, does anyone look unhappy? Apprehensive perhaps but not unhappy. And are they together?

Thanking him for her spanking...

Is she unhappy or what.....

Pure romance, yes it is really happening dear, and yes of course it will hurt but will you be leaving him....?

OK she's getting a sound backside warming but look how she's holding on to him.......

Some way to take a bath.......

That's it then scientifically investigated and endorsed by me, if anyone from New Scientist wants to contact me....

Ronnie

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Lace, Corset, Cane

......they do seem to go together.

Ronnie

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Blogger got me spanked

This never would have happened if Blogger didn't go pear-shaped every now and again. Sometimes the text in my posts goes bigger, sometimes it changes colour, for no apparent reason, sometimes adding a picture affects it but not always, I mentioned it to P, he said maybe the template needs re-setting. That sounded boring, I didn't mention it again. Now if I had taken a look and managed to fix it, and if I'd told him I had, I wouldn't have ended up in trouble on the weekend.

You see, P was doing his usual Saturday morning catch-up at the office and he called me and asked me if I had a certain business card, he'd looked on my desk but couldn't find it, it was a card we were given by a Spanish supplier at a recent fashion show which I'd thrown away because I didn't like the girl on the stand, I wrote about it a few posts back. I told him I couldn't think where it was, it must be amongst the brochures we had, there were rather a lot. But it didn't matter, I told him, because the guy had emailed us since then. Ah but it does matter, said P, because I wanted his mobile number. Well I can't think where it is if it's not with the brochures, I said innocently.

Mistake. Don't lie to your husband, even a white lie.

So he told me he knew roughly where it was, it was in some rubbish recycling plant in west London because I'd dumped it in a trash bin at the show in a temper tantrum. I gulped. How did he know? Because, decent man that he is, he'd taken a look at my blog to see if he could fix the mis-sizing text and in the process he'd read the last couple of posts. I gulped again, flushed and walked nervously around the lounge trying to think of an answer. There wasn't one, not one which would get me off the hook. P told me he wanted me to come down to the office (it's less than 10 mins from where we live), I couldn't because our son had borrowed my car and I'm not covered to drive his, I explained to P, he said he'd come and get me. My goodness he really must be annoyed, I thought. Then as an afterthought he asked why son had got my car, I told him because five of them had gone paintballing and he wanted the extra space. Very well then, said P, he'd deal with me at home and the phone went dead.

Thirty minutes later he arrived home. He came in, dumped his laptop, his expression was all business, he told me if he'd dealt with the tantrum last weekend I would have got a damned good well deserved spanking for performing and it would have been an end to it, but that hadn't happened. And now, a week later, he finds that in addition to playing my face at the show, I wrote about it and boasted (I wasn't boasting) that I'd thrown a potential business partner's card away, and then to top it all I'd lied to him when he asked me about it. And he'd been trying to help me. And this is what he finds! His voice raised a bit. So I'd get the spanking I should have got last weekend and then he'd deal with me for lying to him, which he doesn't find acceptable at all, ever.

So just before midday on Saturday I was over P's lap in the bedroom, my jeans round my ankles, getting a sound tantrum spanking while P educated me about business and professional behaviour not conflicting with silly personal whims. He hadn't taken my pants down, not that the flimsy cotton lessened the sting, and I knew the reason because I know my husband. They would stay in place until his hand had heated my backside enough to have my very earnest attention and then he would pause and address the matter of lying to him, and after a short harsh lecture my pants would come down and I would gasp because it always has that effect on me and because I knew he'd taken his strap from the wardrobe and it was destined for my posterior. And worst of all I knew I deserved it and although I kicked and struggled and cursed and pleaded, when it was over I sobbed a very genuine apology for lying and he sat me up and put his arm round me and told me it was okay I'd just been a silly girl and a small incident had escalated a bit too much but it was over now.

Then he told me on Monday I was to phone Marco's company and get his mobile number anyway. But that might mean talking to that girl! I thought it but didn't say it, my backside has a way of overruling my more impetuous thoughts, especially when it's still simmering from correction.

So it's your fault Blogger. Or not, I shouldn't have lied.

Ronnie

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PVC has it's place

We're actually buying in some PVC and PU from a couple of the suppliers we met on Sunday in London at the show (not the hotpants slut's gear, although I'm sure she would be well suited to it). I had my doubts about it but have to admit some of it is quite stylish and P said it makes up a significant part of modern fashion and we should have some. I'm sure he didn't have this in mind....but then again.....

Ronnie

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Lady Barclay / Discipline is for the Master

Your not seeing double I have re-posted this one as I've had emails from a couple of people and a comment from Hermione saying thanks for the re-posted story. No no no!! It wasn't a re-post, I just got the links mixed, sorry.

It is a new story following on from the one I posted previously about discipline in a Victorian household, here is the correct link without any confusion. It's a bit strong but she was absolutely out of order and her husband was uncompromisingly firm when it came to discipline be it staff or family.

Sorry don't know how I managed that, I wasn't hung over or anything, did have a long day yesterday in London though at Pure, the fashion exhibition.

Here's an extract.

He looked up at his wife, she was still in her jodhpurs after her morning ride, she was a handsome woman, make any man proud he'd often thought, but he would not have her usurping his authority or abusing the privileges her position as his wife afforded.

He spoke as he rose and turned away from his desk to the walnut cabinet in the corner of his study, where he kept a small selection of canes.''I'm going to thrash you for undermining my authority as master of this house,'' he removed a straight cane with a bound leather handle and closed the cabinet door,''and I hope it will make you think twice before taking matters into your own hands again.''

She unfastened and lowered her jodhpurs, turned and prostrated herself without commotion. She heard him move close behind her and then his thumbs hooked into the waistband of her satin knickers. ''These too, madam, when I say on the bare I mean it."

Ronnie

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