Monday, 27 April 2015

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it'

Those are words I don't often say and mean. I say them sometimes when I'm really not sorry at all and did mean it, I also use them to signify surrender and contrition when I'm being spanked, usually towards the end or what I think might be the end but often turns out to be only around two-thirds through because my husband likes to make a lasting impression by spanking me well beyond capitulation stage.

I said the words today, which is Sunday for me as I write, sitting on a well warmed backside, and I meant them earnestly. I deserved the spanking I got, my husband did not deserve the stupid adolescent way I spoke to him and I felt so bad for even thinking it, I was almost in tears not from the spanking but the telling off he gave me. I've said here loads of times that genuine spankings are the best and they ARE, but they're also the WORST because they are not manipulable and they cause pain not just to the bottom.

Those who join me here often will know we've just gone through a family bereavement, I don't want to go on about it but what happens happens and I'll keep it brief but this is a spanking blog and it also follows pretty close to real events so I think it's OK to mention. We have a large family, lots attended the funeral last Thursday, some flew in for it, quite an assortment and lovely to see faces we don't see anywhere near often enough, well not in all cases. One particular face belonged to P's brother's ex wife (she's been 'ex' for a good twenty years I might add) and she was paying particular attention to my husband. They have known each other a long time admittedly but I'm not stupid (well as it turns out I was) and I can spot flirtation when I see it. I have to say my husband showed no sign of reciprocation but the woman's body language and general demeanour were obvious and I wasn't best pleased at all. I kept my cool on the outside and seethed on the inside, the audacity of her especially on such an occasion! Needless to say I kept an eye on her. The event passed, other things outweighed the matter but it still festered in a tiny corner of my mind.

Then this morning I mentioned the woman to P, I asked him why she'd kept sidling up to him and said he'd seemed to enjoy her company. He looked incredulous, he was speechless for a while, I could tell instinctively from his face that I'd got it wrong and wished there was a rewind button but there never is, and to make matters worse, stupidly I described circumstances which had led me to believe that I had a case to make. Oh how wrong I was, so bloody stupidly wrong, how old am I not to know better.

It turned out the woman in question still likes her ex husband, P's brother, and had heard that things weren't going all that well with his current marriage and was apparently trying to prise a bit of inside information out of my husband, even get him to do a bit of informal match making perhaps, at least to find out how the land lay and whether she might count on P for support if she were to re-emerge. So that was the rational answer from my husband, calm and simple. But then followed the annoyance that I'd even brought it up and the accusational way I'd said it, and had he given me any reason at all to think he'd been flirting - especially under the circumstances - etc etc, it went on a while but fairly so. And then he told me he was going to spank me. I felt bad, I knew I'd made a mistake, I'd offended my husband and still, ridiculously still, I defended my position saying a few more things, god knows how I thought they could improve matters, just bloody minded defiance I suppose and not wanting to climb down and eat humble pie so immediately. Well I should have because ten minutes later I had to eat humble pie anyway but with tears in my eyes and a sore backside. I think I would have cried quite a lot if P had done the telling-off more, that was what got to me more than the spanking.

So there we are, all that background and I haven't even told you about the spanking and I'm not going to except to say my husband had me over his knee for several minutes with my jeans around my knees, he didn't bother taking my knickers down he didn't need to, he spanked me good and hard by hand alone and I wasn't smirking to myself like I sometimes do, instead I was just full of remorse and the feeling amplified as the spanking and accompanying lecture matured. I knew my eyes were wet, his words stung more than his hand and I deserved it all. Eventually, well after I'd apologised, he stopped and let me up and I just stood there stupidly, shoulders drooped and head down, I think I wanted him to hug me and tell me it was OK but he didn't, he just got up and left me there, a silly girl appropriately dealt with.

I made myself a cup of tea, gave myself a few minutes to recover and then opened my laptop to start writing this. Half way through, P came back into the room and noticed my tea mug, he said I could have made him one. I sniffled that I didn't know where he'd gone or how long he'd be and did he want me to make him one now, I made to get up and do it.

"No," he said, "it's no problem I'll do it."  And he went into the kitchen leaving the door open. "I'm sorry I had to do that," he called, " but you deserved it you know."

"I know I did," I replied, I'm so sorry."

"If and that's a big if, I had any inclination to flirt I would hardly be doing it with a woman my own age would I, who I've known virtually since school. It's women half her age you need worry about." I had the feeling my husband was joking to help lighten things up before any ice set in, which wouldn't have happened at least not from me.

"She's still an attractive woman though," I said.

"So are you," came my husband's reply, then he emerged from the kitchen with a steaming mug of tea and sat opposite with a newspaper. I nearly went and joined him but my professional blog lady side took charge and I resumed typing, I'll be hoping to make up later.

Have a good week.



Cat said...

Awww sorry you read the situation wrong and ended up hurting both of you. Hope you have a much better week. Sending lots of positive energy and good thoughts.

Hugs and blessings...

an English Rose said...

Oh Bless, Ronnie. I t was just a bad time really. I expect spanking you gave P. an outlet for his feelings too. I hope you both have a better week and the ex sisterinlaw toddles off back to where she came from!
love Jan,xx

Anonymous said...

Ronnie, what an incredible lovely touching post. You are so brilliantly honest . I'm sure P knows how lucky he is and no doubt you will be rewarded by another, more enjoyable spanking soon. Can't wait to hear about it.
Jake x

Katie said...

Oh Ronnie- BIG hugs to you! These things happen from time to time... most often when there is a lot of stress going on.

P delivered the spanking, you apologized and it's a done deal. I hope you can feel better and have some good fun together soon. I love what P said to you in the end. Your words about resuming your blogging so professionally while P read the paper near you, painted a great pic and made me giggle. You always write so well! Feel good! Many hugs,

<3 Katie

PK said...

You've both been through a stressful time. You did make a mistake, but I really understand how and why it all happened. It's good the P cleared the air quickly and thoroughly.

I hope you have a great week.


Roz said...

Hi Ronnie, I'm so sorry this happened. We all make mistakes and I too can see how you thought what you did. The circumstances and emotions behind these type of spanking is so different, and often worse than the spanking itself.

I'm glad P acted to put things right so that you can both move forward and hope you have a better week.

The part where professional blogger lady kept typing while P read the paper made me giggle.


abby said...

I agree...there is nothing like a 'good' spanking to clear the air and the emotions. I think it is something you both needed....and would have happened eventually.
Hugs abby

Hermione said...

Oh dear, jealousy rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times. P dealt with you correctly.

I'm glad that the funeral is over and now life will get back to normal.


Megan Morgan said...

Ronnie, I'm sure the stress of having so much family around doesn't help with anyone's emotions. I'm glad everything is clear again between the two of you.


Baxter said...

That was quite a story and a lot of people misunderstand situations, just like you did. But most people don't get the spanking you did to clear the air and deal with the situation. Things can fester and life can be hard. P loves you a lot and showed it by giving you what you deserved. Spankings can help resolve things.

Leigh Smith said...

Jealousy is such an ugly thing, but I suspect stress had a lot to do with your reaction. P's too - glad the spanking brought you back to yourselves.

Have a good week.

Meredith Malloy said...

I have so been right there where you were, over a knee as well. When someone flirts with my husband, I get nuts. P's spanking brought you to your senses in a hot minute. Great post.

Michael M said...

I'm with you. She couldn't be trusted and your hubby should have recognized what she was after and moved away. Shame you got spanked for looking after your self-interests. What if it had been the other way around? Would you have got spanked for chatting to a friend of the brother?

ronnie said...

Cat - Thanks. The week has started well:)

Jan - We probably wont see her again or I hope not:) Thank you.

Jake - Yes, another soon, I hope:) Thank you Jake.

Katie - And that's one of the things I love about TTWD, a spanking clears the air. Thanks.

PK - It was the perfect way. Thanks.

Roz - I deserved it. Happy I made you giggle:) Thank you.

Abby - Right there Abby, we both did need it. Thanks.

Hermione - She just got to me in a weak moment of mine. Thanks,

Megan - All behind us and now move on:) Thank you.

Baxter - I was happy to take the spanking I deserved. Thanks Baxter,

SG - I put it down to stress:) Thanks.

Meredith - She did get to me but all over now. Thanks.

Michael - If it was the other way around, I probably would have:) Thank you.


Ni Na said...

Ronnie, I am so sorry that you had this, and I can see how you could get the idea of P flirting. But I am so glad that all this was settled with the spanking and I think P’s hurt was gone too, once this spanking was over. I loved what he told you about yourself and hope you had a wonderful time together later on.



Renee Rose said...

I'm sorry. I know just what you mean about real spankings being the best and the worst.

Minelle Labraun said...

Ronnie it is so hard when we are going through a rough emotional time. I know you feel bad, but really sometimes our emotions lead us. You've shared that women find P attractive.....And that men find you so. P handled it and reassured you that he finds you perfect! It set everything back to rights!

Red said...

Ronnie: Simply put, P is a wonderful man who loves you dearly, and you are a wonderful person who deserves a man like P.!
Not all spankings are for fun, and some are meant as punishment in a way of (atoning for your sins - I don't agree with that)relieving the stress and unhappiness caused by some action. Wonderful to just have a spanked bottom, and the lecture itself (knowing you were wrong) was the worst part.
Glad you have this way of solving problems immediately, than the problem dragging on for days and possibly even getting worse.
Thanks for sharing reality with all your readers.
bottoms up (hopefully soon)

ronnie said...

Nina - Much needed for both of us I think and yes we have a wonderful afternoon:) Thanks.

Renee - Hello. Always will be be. Thanks.

Minelle - I would't say P finds me totally perfect LOL. I know what you mean. Thank you.

Red - Yes, the lecture is sometimes worse than the spanking. Thanks Red.


Adrienne said...

So sorry for the misunderstanding and the subsequent lecture. Not sure if I should say sorry that you got a spanking, since you like those, but I am sorry for the sadness and guilt that came from the "telling off" and the situation in general. Hope you're feeling better!

DelFonte said...

Stress can lead us to say things we normally wouldn't. It's sorted, I hope you can both move on.
hugs DF

ronnie said...

Adrienne - Thank you. spanked and the air cleared:)

DelFonte - Yes, sorted and we've moved on:) Thanks.


Ella said...

Thank you, Ronnie. I am new to blogging and am in awe of how you articulated a most serious offense and the consequences for it. Your words showed how truly humble you felt. I do not cry for most spankings. It is only when I know I have done something really awful. When Sam shows his disappointment with his words as well as the spanking, I can finally let the tears come.

Terpsichore said...

Big hugs to you. I am sorry for the incident but glad all is in the past now and hope you both get to make up soon in a spanking for pleasure. Best wishes to you

ronnie said...

Ella - Hello and welcome. Thank you for saying, kind of you. Yes, the disappointment and the words said.

I have your blog in my "In with the New" post tomorrow.

Terps - We've made up and more:) Thanks.