Friday, 15 February 2013

Fifty SHEDS of Grey II

More from the Fifty Sheds of Grey spoof.



As we were discharged from the casualty department for the third time that month. We began to wonder whether we should change our safe word from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. (A Welsh village with the longest name in Britain)

I managed to stay calm as my wife expertly bounds my wrists an ankles. Although I have to admit I did get a little nervous when she bundled me in the boot of the car.


Make me feel pain like I've never felt before, she pleased blindfolded and naked. Alright, I said, placing Lego bricks on the shed floor.


By the time I'd finished her bottom was bright pink - I'd mixed up the baby oil and the thousand island dressing again.


I froze when I saw the room full of masks, saddles and oddly-shaped battery-powered devices. That was it - no more drunk-ebaying for me.


Are you sure you can take the pain? she demanded, brandishing her stilettos. I think so, I gulped. Here we go, then, she said and showed me the receipt.


Harder, she cried, gripping the workbench tightly,  Harder. Alright, I said. What's the gross national product of Nicaragua.


My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.

Put on this rubber suit and mask, I insisted calmly. Mmmm....kinky, she purred. Yes, I said, plus you can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed room.

She stood before me, trebling and naked in my shed. I'm yours for the night, she gasped. You can do whatever you want with me. So I took her to Nando's.


It was damp, uncomfortable and didn't last very long but it's true what they say - you never forget your first shed.


I told her exactly what she should do in my sternest and most dominant voice and waited her response. Finally it came. Please hold the line, your call is very important to us.


She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder, I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.


Read more here.

Have a fun weekend.


Ronnie

xx

22 comments:

Michael M said...

Very funny and better written than the original.

Fondles said...

Lol. Hilarious. Thanks!

DelFonte said...

Reading this little book in a bookstore draws a lot of attention when you can't stop giggling.
So much better than the FSG. Looking at my garden shed with a whole new perspective...
DF

Roz said...

LoL, love these. Thanks Ronnie!

Hugs,
Roz

joeyred51 said...

Very funny Ronnie. Thank you.

Hug,
joey

Anonymous said...

Much better than the trilogy...I rarely give up on a book but I was flagging in number 2 and hardly got through number 3 ! Sarah,LD,UK

Minelle Labraun said...

So funny! I can't get the Thousand Island dressing out of head! Yuk!
Thanks Ronnie!

Hermione said...

I like the Lego one best. How true!

Hugs,
Hermione

sunnygirl said...

Thanks for sharing, very funny.

Emi Jones said...

Hilarious! Thanks for posting. I agree, legos - how true! I stepped on one of those little buggers just last week! Into the trash it went.

ronnie said...

Michael - So I hear:) Thank you Michael.

Fondles - Made me laugh. Thanks Fondles.

DF - Hello. You can't help but laugh at some of them. Thank you DF.

Roz - Happy you enjoyed them. Thanks Roz.

Joey - My pleasure. Thank you Joey.

Sarah - I haven't even started the first one yet:) Thanks Sarah.

Ronnie - I wasn't going to put that one in but I'm glad I did:) Thank you Minelle.

Hermione - The safeword made me laugh. Thanks Hermione.

SG - You're welcome. Thank you SG.

Emi - Happy I don't have any of them around any more. Thank you Emi.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

dancingbarez said...

Thanks Ronnie, this is great.

Florida Dom said...

Thanks for sharing, Ronnie. That was so clever.

FD

SNP said...

Funny. Enjoy your weekend Ronnie and P.

ronnie said...

DG - My pleasure. Thanks DG.

FD - Glad you enjoyed them. Thanks.

SNP - Thanks SNP. You too.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Kaelah said...

Again very funny, Ronnie! I might not at all be interested in the original series, but the spoof is great. Thanks for sharing. :-)

Terpsichore said...

thanks for the laugh...legos and little plastic beads for making jewelry will be the end of me... :-) Take care, Terps

ronnie said...

Kaelah - Your welcome, gld you enjoyed them. Haven't read the book myself. Thank you Kaelah.

Terps - My pleasure. I trod on a plus this morning, ouch. Thanks Terps.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

Lea said...

Haha, these are hilarious! Stepping on Lego's IS torture.

Dee said...

Hilarious :)
Hope you've had a good weekend

Dee x

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ronnie said...

Dee - Thanks. Weekend OK. Hope you had a good one.

Love,
Ronnie
xx