Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Trouble Brewing

Wednesday is here and I already know it's a not-keeping-bargain day. I knew it last night when he told me his mom would be coming back from Worcester by train Wednesday evening and he was going to collect her from the station and as it was too late for her cook a meal he'd bring her back to ours. 'Oh and what about our Wednesday treat out?', I asked, to which he said, 'Well she could come with us if you like'. No thanks, I had that pleasure Sunday evening, what's wrong with taxis I wondered. This was near bedtime, I don't need words near bedtime, I let it pass but I wasn't happy.
So I've got to pick up something from the store and prepare for three of us to eat in. Or maybe I'll prepare something for two, leave it to microwave for him and his mom and I'll go out on my own. Joking. I'll get something in but I'm still not happy. We work hard, don't spend much, I'm not a shopaholic who has to have tons of shoes and handbags, so I like those Wednesdays together, not too much to ask, is it.


cheekycherry said...

Ah Ronni, I know how ya feel, I've been alone at home for the last 3 nights becuase he's company has got a big contract in, but the result is me losing us time - then I start getting bratty. Then he phones me to tell me That his mother invited me to have supper with them while he is at work. Ok I love my Mother in law, but come on that just plain nasty!!
Anyway enjoy as much you can.

Anonymous said...

Ronnie, I spent many times in the kitchen preparing for my family only to find out that the ex's mother would be joining us for several days at a time. I was always expected to be the hostess with the mostest. I feel your frustration. Special evenings out are hard to push aside when you've been planning and looking forward to them.


Hermione said...


I get grumpy and out of sorts too when our special time together doesn't happen. I can understand your disappointment. Your arguments are all quite valid, but I guess you have to go through with this for the sake of family harmony.

Hope your Thursday is better!


Impish1 said...

A deal is a deal, but with elderly family, as we have, it can be a problem. The key is to try to modify the deal so he can't weasel out, or blame you for being mean to mum or him. What about a new deal where you mention how you are so trying to be understanding, and know he's trying to do his part (don't choke ;-) so when you can't go on the designated day, it will reset for the next day. If that's not possible, the next, and so on - until you go. Pretty soon, he might just get into the new habit. He may even want to go, but when he's tired, it just seems like more work until he's there enjoying himself. Men can be like that.

Lessa said...

mmmmmmmmm.. I like both my Love's parents.. as I love my own.. but dumping me for mom 2nd time in a row would mean me going on strike...

to be honest I think this is not acceptable...

hugs, Lessa

löthianne said...

Dear Ronnie:

I know what is like... sometimes my Husband parents appear in our house without an invitation, without a phone call 5 mins before the dinner... :(

My Husband and i had talk about it, and He agrees with me but it is a very difficult topic.. something that maybe is better to talk when the anger or the upset is over.. in a nice an relaxed way... just my humble opinion..

huge hugs!!!!!


Tapestry said...

There's a lot going on here, and what I think really isn't important. You're doing what you have to do, and honestly - I would too. And no, you don't have to like it. Sometimes that commitment we make to our spouse can be pretty hard to stand by, but we do anyway.

While I doubt you want him to be inattentive to his Mom's needs, I wonder about his way of communicating to you what those needs are and how he'll be dealing with them. Also, not knowing if he's an only child, if there are other family who could help - or perhaps they don't live nearby.

These factors all have a part in the whole thing. I would expect my own son to spend time with me on Mother's Day (in May here in the US) and to pick me up from the airport or station when I return from travel - but I also hope he would be willing to keep the lines of communication open with his wife and not allow my needs to impose on her.

I don't know - I don't think this is easy at all. I think your husband is doing a good job with his Mom, and now could perhaps work on balancing your needs too. He loves you both and needs you both, and could work on ways to demonstrate that love and need to both of you.

I'm sorry you're missing out on dinner out tonight, and I hope there's a make-up dinner real soon!


PK said...

Hey Ronnie,
Tell him you understand him wanting to be kind an accomodating to his mom and you don't mind at all because you know he will always be that way to you. Then ask him where you guys are eating out Thursday night.


ronnie said...

Hi everybody, thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate them, all good advice. Things moved on since and I haven't caught up with the comments fast enough.
What happened developed naturally but I'll admit I stoked it knowing there could be an outcome and there was. Is it what I expected or wanted? I don't really know.